Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
