Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
