Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Your dad touched me again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.