i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
pop tarts are not kleenex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
