some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great