I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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