I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
