Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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