u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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