Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
