he wants to bone in the snuggie
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
