Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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