i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
