I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
