Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
