i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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