none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
