i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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