Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
