Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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