Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
