worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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