I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The power of my boobs compel you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window