my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?