Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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