There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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