I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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