I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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