Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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