she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
