winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
