dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
