there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
