I love having hate sex.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
