Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
