I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
