Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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