don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
