im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
