I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
