Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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