I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
