I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
