i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
