You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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