So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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