I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
