Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
