I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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