In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm too high and old for this...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
