Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
