we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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