he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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