It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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