I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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