guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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