She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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