Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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