Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
