We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How's work?
Spinning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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