my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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