So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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