Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
