someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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