I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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