You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i dont even know how to be here
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
