I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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