So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
