just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Semen is not good for contacts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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