if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
