I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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