I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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