is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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