I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
