Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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