your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
