There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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