She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
