I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
