you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
